The Day Everything Changed

I often think of October 21st. More specifically, I think of October 21, 1990. On this day, the world as I knew changed radically. It was the last day I would be a kid. It was the last day I would know true innocence.

October 21st was initially a very fun day. I spent some time with a good friend of mine doing the normal things teenagers do. I think we caught a movie and lunch. I am not sure what else happened. However, I do remember we were having a good time. Later that day my uncle picked me up from my day of fun and we were chatting about the future. As we were talking I noticed there was a bit of hesitation in his voice every so often. When we talked about my mother he became increasingly distressed. However, being oblivious to the true nature of things, I remained optimistic that my mother would soon recover from her recent illness. After all, she had recovered from other ailments. I then arrived home and saw my mother laying on the couch. I remember thinking, “she looks terminally ill”. However, despite the powerful evidence thrusted in my face, I tried to remain optimistic.

A few moments later my father summoned me to the basement.  I then learned that my mother was terminally ill with ovarian cancer.  As my father spoke he told me how difficult it was for him to tell me this news as he was going against his wife’s wishes.  He would then continue to say that he felt compelled to share this with me as he deeply feared my mother’s demise was imminent.

Over the years, I have told parts of this story to close friends and family. They always seem shocked that I did not know that my mother had cancer for more than 5 years and would not learn about her illness until 6 days prior to her death. They ask if I resent not being told about her condition until the very end. I always give the same answer, “I do not bear any resentment. In fact, I have tremendous respect for what my mother did.” In her heart, she did not want to rob our childhood. She strongly felt that the burden of her illness should not be shared by her children as her children would have face untold challenges later on.

Interestingly enough, virtually no one knew my mother was sick during all of this time including her boss who was a doctor. Additionally, during this time my mother continued to live life to the fullest and helped her children and everyone around her with such passion and strength.  In a sense, her ability to keep this secret for so long gave her strength as my mother did not want to be pitied.

As I reflect on how my mother carried herself I am always amazed how much strength she had while facing tremendous challenges. Think about this for a moment. Here was a woman who was working, helping her children, family, and community while undergoing all kinds of medical procedures on a regular basis. Yet, you never heard her complain about any of this. Through my mother’s example I continue to be reminded of a simple yet powerful lesson. Never give up hope, no matter what the odds are. Never stop trying, no matter what the odds are.

I am always deeply moved by how much my mother sacrificed for to nurture and protect her children. I remember, how she would tutor my brothers, be a confidant to all of us, share with us sound advice, and most importantly always have time for us. With this in mind, I am forever grateful for everything my mother did and will continue to draw strength and inspiration from her selfless compassionate example.