The Continuing Adventures of Bazooka Joe and the Mad Matzo Machine

We all heard the legend of Joe and his adhesive bubble gum. The bubble gum was legendary for his exploits as he swung from building to building and stopped criminals with one stick of gum. It was rumored that the bubble gum was even used to stop a car in its path. Often we wondered if it was just an urban legend. With this, my tale begins.

It was another day in the supermarket with aisles of food and other assorted goodies. This shopping event was disrupted by a ruckus in the front of the store. A masked person exclaimed, “Nobody moves.” None of us knew what to do. The masked man and a team of 8 bandits were robbing the store and its customers in broad daylight. We were all shocked and scared by the turn of events. An older lady exclaimed, “Isn’t anyone going to do anything?” We all shrugged our shoulders and were thinking, “Come on lady. No need to anger the hooligans.”

Out of the blue, the glass window towards the front of the store shattered. There he was. Bazooka Joe swung through the shattered glass, removed his top hat, and threw it towards the hooligans. Apparently this was no ordinary top hat; it was a buzz saw hat. This action instantly cut through several wooden beams knocking down 5 of the assailants. Next, he opened his jacket and proceeded to use his nun chuck tzitzis to pursue the other assailants. This worked very well as it helped him apprehend 3 additional bandits.

Unfortunately, this did not stop the ringleader known as “Big Jack”. Big Jack came from behind and knocked Joe on his head. Joe tried to fight back but clearly had the losing hand. Soon enough, the situation went from bad to worse as Big Jack was using Joe’s nun chuck to strangle him. We all looked at each other and were thinking, “Now what?” Suddenly, a large doughy ball plastered Big Jack. Big Jack turned around only to get a pummeling from a brigade of Matzo Balls. He tried to ward off the Matzo Ball blitz and was soon detained under 150 pounds of Matzo Balls.

Till this day no one knows where the Matzo Balls came from. Was it a miracle? Is there another “do gooder” silently helping us? Who knows? All I know is, I’ll be putting some Matzo Balls in my soup this Passover and will be chewing my favorite gum; Bazooka Joe.